How could she tell him despite agreeing to marry him, the fact that he didn’t love her still cut her to the bone? “It’s my last days to spend on my ship and with my men,” she said. She held up her father’s ring of keys. “I’ll be able to lock the door tonight. I’ll be safe.”
Jaxon was disappointed, but he didn’t complain. “Look what the bookseller delivered.” It was the book about flowers he had ordered for her. As she opened it and reverently began thumbing through the pages, Jaxon looked around her cabin. He was surprised at how sparse it was. He would have thought anyone who had been around the world as many times as Charlie would have filled the room up with trinkets from her travels.
The books on her shelves were mostly old school books and a handful of novels. Nothing he would expect a woman to read. A large conch was the only thing remotely decorative. Jaxon began opening the doors and drawers of the built-ins. He found bed linens and towels, unmentionables, socks, a shaving kit, box of cigars, an open case of brandy.
“What are you looking for?”
“You,” he answered. “I’m looking for you somewhere in this room.”
She understood what he meant. She pulled the dressing robe with the silk lapels and sash out of the locker and put it on her desk, then she set a leaded glass decanter of brandy next to it. Charlie opened a desk drawer and under the ledger was a long slender pouch. She handed it to him.
Jaxon pulled at the draw string opening until it was opened enough for him to pull the contents out. Inside was an intricately carved ivory fan.
“Yori gave it to me just before my father put him ashore. I think he knew.”
He could understand the case of brandy. If this was his life, he would need it, too. No wonder silk stockings made her cry.
Jaxon put the fan back into the pouch then gave her a kiss. “I’ll meet you on deck,” he said. He handed her the fan and left.
He was angry. How could her father control her life like that? Force her to live the lie? Even in the privacy of her own cabin, she was not allowed to be herself.
Jaxon’s mood showed on his face. He found himself pacing the quarterdeck since it was the only place on deck where the men weren’t working.
Every member of the crew saw Jaxon and Charlie go below together and everyone saw him come back alone wearing a scowl fierce enough to scare grown men. When Charlie returned topside, few missed she looked upset. She spotted Jaxon on the quarterdeck, but waited to join him until she had supervised her men’s progress and gave them further instructions. He stood at the railing looking aft when she approached.
Jaxon put his arm around her, but didn’t say anything.
“Are you mad? If it’s about the brandy….”
“It’s not about the brandy.”
“I’m not a drunk.”
“Damn it, Charlie!” Jaxon raised his voice then lowered it. “It’s not about the damn brandy.”
Charlie pulled away from him. “So this is about the fact that I didn’t have a childhood like yours. Well, who care? Stop feeling sorry for me. I’ve been to places where people are so poor their children starve to death, places where blind children beg on the streets and people walk by them without even noticing them. I’ve seen a slave boy whose back was scarred from whipping. I’ve passed by brothels were young girls worked as whores.
“I have never gone to bed hungry,” she continued, “and I can count the times my father took a belt to me on one hand. He dressed me like this to protect me not to punish me. So what if I never had a doll or learned the things girls know?”
“Did you ever have any toys, Charlie? A top, a wooden sword or a toy boat? Anything?”
“I had a real sword and a real boat. I didn’t have time for toys.” Charlie turned on her heel. “I’m going to check the repairs. If you’ll excuse me.”
“Charlie.” He put his hand on her arm.
“Jax, this is one of those times you just need to let me go. As a matter of fact, why don’t you go home?”
32
Daniel folded his arms across his chest. Jaxon was snapping at everyone again today. Three days had gone by and neither Jaxon nor Charlie seemed to be willing to traverse to short distance between their ships to be with each other. Daniel was thankful that Jaxon was at least spending his nights at home.
“Charlie hasn’t come home yet?” Daniel asked knowing the answer.
“She says she’s staying on the ship until she hires a new captain.” Jaxon could see her as she sat on the edge of the quarterdeck talking to Morty. Once they had gotten the Arcadia back in order, he thought she would at least come home overnight, but she had not left the ship in days and he could see from the deck of The Dragon’s Lair that during the day, she rarely went below even when there was barely enough work for the skeleton crew to keep busy. The rest of the time, she spent sitting on the edge of the quarterdeck talking to Morty who usually sat a couple of feet away.